The Most Important Item In My Backpack Costs About $1
There’s one item that I always have in my backpack. I go nuts when I don’t have it with me. I could lose most of the other things I have, but I’d be a manic mess without this little necessity.
I’m talking about my tennis ball.
In case you forgot what a tennis ball is. Fucking idiot.
I shouldn’t have called it my tennis ball. I don’t have an emotional attachment to any one tennis ball. I like almost all of them equally.
That’s because, as long as it hasn’t been molested by an attention-deprived dog or left out to bake and decompose in the sun for months, any tennis ball is the ultimate self-massage tool.
How To Use A Tennis Ball For Self Massage
I have two horrible, chronically-tight spots on my body: in the muscles near my shoulder blades, and my virgin pink asshole. Just kidding, let me start that sentence over again.
I have two horrible, chronically-tight spots on my body: in the muscles near my shoulder blades, and in my hip muscles. On any given day my entire upper back region feels like it’s a bunched up, tight mess, and my hip muscles especially bother me when I’m sitting in a relatively cramped spot, like the muscles connecting my legs and my back are about to snap. This is because I’m always developing knots in these muscles.
It wasn’t until I started applying pressure to these spots with a tennis ball that I had any kind of relief. I just place the tennis ball on a wall at the level of the affected muscle, and then rubbed away with as much pressure as I could stand.
A couple good resources for self-massage with a tennis ball:
Soft Tissue Work For Tough Guys – great explanations for why soft tissue work with a tennis ball is so important. This article recommends massaging yourself laying down, but I find it more effective standing up against a wall.
Just fucking massaging yourself with a tennis ball – they’re super cheap. Buy one and just try it out. That link doesn’t go anywhere, by the way.
I Would Be A Whiny Mess If I Left Home Without It
No matter where I’m traveling, a tennis ball always comes with me. If I lose it, I drop a dollar on a new one. Along with my pirated DVDs of the High School Musical series, it ranks as probably the most important thing I carry around with me at all times.
June 27th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
So I found your site when I searched for “my virgin pink asshole.” Interesting.
June 27th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
I don’t want to know what “MVPA” stands for, but I love that your picture still shows up for that comment, DEREK. PS: I actually googled “my virgin pink asshole” to see if I really did rank for that and feel like I need to wipe my computer clean now.
June 30th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Hahahaha….the most important thing in your backpack that costs about a $1 should be a condom…especially since you are now known for MVPA…