This Guy Loves To Party

If this doesn't turn you on, then good. It's supposed to be eaten.

Among my guiltiest pleasures, tucked between finding better ways to calculate the neutrino mass of supersymmetric particles and prank calling retards, is my love for self improvement blogs. While I really like a lot of the practical information they provide, there’s one subject on which I’ve never agreed with them: eating a vegetarian or vegan diet. (I make a blanket reference to “them” because all self improvement blog authors are one or the other. And they point it out a lot.)

Well, I’m here to defend meat. At least, in its dead form. I’m going to scientifically document this post the same way most self improvement bloggers document their defenses of going vegan: absolutely not at all.

Meat is delicious

There are some anomalies that don’t agree with this, but meat is delicious. Especially after experiencing the perfection that is Argentinean beef, there is nothing in this world that I would rather have inside me than a slender, juicy slab of meat. (EDIT: please read that in context.) I met multiple people in Argentina who claimed to be vegans who couldn’t resist and ate at least one steak. I’ll leave them anonymous and this claim very vague.

Meat Makes Me Feel Good

Many anti-meat folk claim that eating meat makes them feel gross. As in, the process of chewing and digesting meat results in them feeling physically ill. I would claim the same thing about vegetables if all I ever ate were McSalads made from plants grown in a test tube. If you eat high quality meat, like grass fed beef, you’ll not only feel good, but you’ll feel GREAT. (I spent fifteen minutes writing that single sentence.)

Meat makes me stronger

This is just the personal experience of me and millions of other people. Take it with a grain of salt. (Or take it with a slab of beef! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.)

Meat makes me better looking

It’s easier to put on muscle while eating meat. More muscle means more good looking. For anyone that claims otherwise, I’m going to need full body pics of you holding a newspaper so I can judge you.

Meat made us who we are today

We evolved into the supercreatures we are today because of meat. The high levels of omega 3s found in the meats and marrows that we ate long, long, long ago helped evolve our massive brain size. Judging by the amount of meat that I eat, my children will likely be early indicators of what the next evolutionary step is.

For those who don’t eat meat for humanitarian reasons

I respect your choice and have no criticisms.  While I don’t suffer the same guilt you do about killing and eating animals, I do give preferential treatment to black people because of my white guilt.  It’s a very similar level of guiltiness and I just wanted to say that I understand you.

I’m going to stop this now

I really do feel that eating meat is healthy, makes me look and feel better physically, and is the most delicious part of my diet. However, I feel like this article probably hurts the cause more than helps it, so I’m going to stop now.

Either way, I feel like I should point you in the direction of someone who follows the same plan and shares my beliefs, doesn’t write like a sarcastic jerk, and actually has good information. His name is Mark Sisson and his web site is Mark’s Daily Apple.  I have lost countless hours to his archive of articles on exercise, nutrition, and I’ll be honest, his golden blonde locks are absolutely gorgeous.

You’ll walk away from his blog posts satisfied, not pissed off like you are right now.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 17th, 2009 at 10:07 pm and is filed under Misc.