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CouchSurfing is an amazing tool for nomads and backpackers.  Not only does it help you find free lodging — it also connects you with locals in almost any nation in the world.

The problem with CouchSurfing, though, is that as its popularity grows, it’s becoming more and more competitive trying to find a place to stay.  Many hosts have to choose between multiple “couch surf” requests every night.

For this reason, you’ve got to have a profile that stands out if you want to successfully grab a couch on CouchSurfing.

If you follow my guide, you’ll never have to face rejection again.

STEP 1: Selecting the perfect picture

“Greeaaatttt, a shot of you in front of Macchu Picchu.  This doesn’t show me what your tits look like at all.  NEXT PROFILE, please.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard my hosts mutter this under their breath as they selected their next prospective guest.

CouchSurfing clearly bills itself as not a dating site, but that shouldn’t stop you from having a gratuitously sexual picture up.

I cut right through the middle man and opt for a picture of me in the shower.  And let me reassure you, I am very popular on CouchSurfing.

An example of the ideal CouchSurfing profile picture.

STEP 2: Filling out your “description”

Most backpackers are young, highly impressionable, trusting people, only truly discovering the world for the first time now, so you’ll need to absolutely take advantage of their kind, naive nature with your description.

The more curious and profound you sound, no matter how cliché, the more success you’ll have in landing sweet couches.

Follow some of these tips:

• Your “current mission” should be something emotionally powerful, but fairly cliché and empty.  I recommend, “Finding myself in this vast space we called Earth…..”  The ellipsis at the end is absolutely important, because it makes you seem like you think a lot.
• Your “occupation” should shamelessly point out that you quit your job and are traveling the world, whether it’s true or not.  Everyone respects that.
• Your “education” should indicate that you’re “still learning.”  Or maybe that you’re “a student of the world.”  You get the idea.
• Your “home town” is “Earth.”  I don’t care that you clearly grew up in a specific home town that qualifies for this answer.  Claiming to be a “citizen of Earth” is way more poetic.
• Your “all about you” should be focused on a story about volunteer time you did in some under-privileged nation full of dark-skinned people.  You found your soul there or some bullshit.
• Your “interests,” again, should mention something about volunteering, or something that makes it seem like you read a lot of books.
• And speaking of which… for “favorite movies, TVs, and books,” you had better only list books.  Don’t make the same mistake I did and indicate you enjoy “average people” entertainment.
• Your “personal philosophy” should be about doing what you love and not bowing down to the man.  CouchSurfers hate corporations; this is an absolutely proven fact.
• “People I enjoy” should just be “indigenous people and native Africans.”  Put your finger on an impoverished nation on a map and you’ve got the people you enjoy.  I credit this technique with landing me five or six couches alone.

Try it out!

That’s it for part 1.

In part 2, we’ll help you construct the perfect messages to send out to prospective hosts.

But in the meantime, get to work improving your profile, and good luck.

(Note: This is clearly a joke article.  However, I updated my CouchSurfing profile to match the advice I give here, again as a joke.  Literally one hour later I had a message from a local person in Medellin, Colombia asking if I’d like to meet up.  This is the first unsolicited private message I’ve received in six months of CouchSurfing.  I am not kidding.)

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 7th, 2009 at 12:00 pm and is filed under Tips and tricks, Traveling.