This Guy Loves To Party

One of my goals upon quitting real life was to learn another language.

Most of the world speaks more than one language.  I felt like it was my responsibility to pick up a second one myself.

But let’s be honest: what really triggered it for me was a joke I heard.  It goes something like this…

Q: What do you call someone who speaks three languages?

A: Tri-lingual.

 

Q: What do you call someone who speaks two languages?

A: Bi-lingual.

 

Q: What do you call someone who speaks one language?

A: American.

I was essentially the butt of that joke.  That sucks.  So, I set about to change that around…

I made a lot of mistakes learning a second language, so learn from them and don’t waste your time like I did at first.

How NOT to learn another language

You need formal instruction to really learn a language.  There’s really no way around this.

Simply put, avoid any kind of formal instruction in the language and you likely won’t learn much of it.  Or, you’ll learn to speak the language like a caveman, forming incomplete, grammatically-challenged sentences, and failing to really express yourself.

I am not a big fan of self-guided learning, and feel that a private instructor is really the only route to go.  Self-guided learning — listening to audio tapes, using ineffective programs like the Rosetta Stone, and so on — will teach you some things, but has no way of really correcting you when you make mistakes.

A private instructor, on the other hand, will find all the faults in your speech and work with you to eliminate them.

There’s also a number of people who preach immersion as the only way to learn a language.  Immersion — sticking yourself in the middle of an environment that only speaks your desired language — is a tool and not a means to an end.  I am a big proponent of using immersion to learn a language — in conjunction with private lessons.

If you don’t have much knowledge of a language, sticking yourself in the middle of it will only confuse you.  The locals speak fast and use a lot of vocabulary that you won’t know (and won’t have time to look up).  If you are studying the language and have a certain level of comfort in it, then immersion will skyrocket your results.

Also, if you really want to screw up your language learning efforts, then spend 99% of your time hanging out with people who only speak your native language.  If you don’t practice your new language, and practice it a lot, you won’t become very proficient in it.

So, to sum up what not to do to learn a language:

• Avoid private lessons.
• Use self-guided courses, like the Rosetta Stone or Pimsleur.
• Immerse yourself before having any knowledge of the language.
• Spend most of your time with people who only speak your native language.

What you SHOULD do to learn a new language

If you reread my previous section, you’ll catch a couple subtle hints about what I recommend you should do to learn a new language.

If you missed it, here it is:

Take lessons with a private instructor.  These can be very cheap if done outside the USA.  Even private lessons in universities in Europe are relatively cheap.

If you want to learn really fast, then live with a native family for a month or more, speaking only the new language.  If this isn’t possible, then arrange for a “language exchange,” where you speak with someone with the specific goal of refining and correcting your conversational skills in the new language.

Speak with anyone who has learned a second language at a proficient level and they’ll tell you the same things I’m telling you now.  A private instructor, preferably five days a week for a few hours each day, will give you a nice level of proficiency in a very short period of time.

To supplement your private lessons, you’ll need to study on your own to build your vocabulary.  I wrote an article on the best way to quickly memorize anything, which I used to learn Spanish vocabulary.

Whenever you encounter a word you don’t know, write it down.  Then, every night, use the method in the linked article to internalize your day’s vocabulary list.  By the end of a month, you’ll have nearly 1,000 new words.  You only need about 2,000 to be conversational in any language.

So, to go over again what you should do to learn a new language:

• Take lessons with a private tutor.
• Live with a native family, or participate in a language exchange.
• Study vocabulary lists on your own for an hour every night.

My Story: Learning Spanish

I left for Panama in August of 2008 speaking absolutely no Spanish.

I fumbled around with Pimsleur courses, and even took a shot at the Rosetta Stone.  Both programs moved at a snail’s pace, were frustrating to use, and resulted in me knowing very little functional Spanish.

I also tried using some of the “free” Spanish learning sites scattered all over the web.  All were pretty much worthless for someone who doesn’t already have knowledge of the language.

I thought that being immersed in the Panamanian culture would quickly rub off and teach me Spanish.  In three months I was able to pick up enough to order food and survive, but that was about it.  I couldn’t hold a reasonable conversation with anyone.  I didn’t understand a word anyone said to me.

I took some private classes in Colombia, and within about two weeks of three-times-a-week two hour classes, I had practically tripled what I had learned in the previous three months.

I then headed off to Argentina, planning to criss-cross my way through the country by myself, speaking only Spanish with the locals.  I had no plans of taking private classes.  After one week of doing this, though, my head hurt.  I didn’t understand anything anyone told me, and it became frustrating to ask everyone to slow down and explain to me, in detail, what they just said so I could write down new vocabulary.

I was frustrated and had had enough.  After 5 months in Latin America, I could speak Spanish like a baby Neanderthal.  I was doing something wrong.  After a bit of searching, I found a private teacher in Ecuador who also had a room available in her house.

For $220 a week, I had room, food, and 20 hours of private lessons.

And after only 5 weeks, I was comfortably speaking conversational Spanish with the locals.  I was, for the first time, able to express myself instead of just grunting out one-word commands.  (One of those 5 weeks was dedicated solely to cleaning up all the “bad” Spanish I had taught myself along my journey.)

I have a feeling my time in Latin America would have been completely different had I dedicated five weeks to studying Spanish with a private tutor in the very beginning of the trip, instead of wasting my time trying to teach myself with inefficient methods.

What I’m trying to get at is…

If you want to quickly learn just about any language, you’ll be best off following the advice I give on this page.

In fact, ask just about anyone who has a strong grasp of a foreign language and they’ll give you the exact same advice.

Put down a little bit of money, take private lessons, and enjoy your new language.  It’ll be worth it in avoided frustration.

CouchSurfing is an amazing tool for nomads and backpackers.  Not only does it help you find free lodging — it also connects you with locals in almost any nation in the world.

The problem with CouchSurfing, though, is that as its popularity grows, it’s becoming more and more competitive trying to find a place to stay.  Many hosts have to choose between multiple “couch surf” requests every night.

For this reason, you’ve got to have a profile that stands out if you want to successfully grab a couch on CouchSurfing.

If you follow my guide, you’ll never have to face rejection again.

STEP 1: Selecting the perfect picture

“Greeaaatttt, a shot of you in front of Macchu Picchu.  This doesn’t show me what your tits look like at all.  NEXT PROFILE, please.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard my hosts mutter this under their breath as they selected their next prospective guest.

CouchSurfing clearly bills itself as not a dating site, but that shouldn’t stop you from having a gratuitously sexual picture up.

I cut right through the middle man and opt for a picture of me in the shower.  And let me reassure you, I am very popular on CouchSurfing.

An example of the ideal CouchSurfing profile picture.

STEP 2: Filling out your “description”

Most backpackers are young, highly impressionable, trusting people, only truly discovering the world for the first time now, so you’ll need to absolutely take advantage of their kind, naive nature with your description.

The more curious and profound you sound, no matter how cliché, the more success you’ll have in landing sweet couches.

Follow some of these tips:

• Your “current mission” should be something emotionally powerful, but fairly cliché and empty.  I recommend, “Finding myself in this vast space we called Earth…..”  The ellipsis at the end is absolutely important, because it makes you seem like you think a lot.
• Your “occupation” should shamelessly point out that you quit your job and are traveling the world, whether it’s true or not.  Everyone respects that.
• Your “education” should indicate that you’re “still learning.”  Or maybe that you’re “a student of the world.”  You get the idea.
• Your “home town” is “Earth.”  I don’t care that you clearly grew up in a specific home town that qualifies for this answer.  Claiming to be a “citizen of Earth” is way more poetic.
• Your “all about you” should be focused on a story about volunteer time you did in some under-privileged nation full of dark-skinned people.  You found your soul there or some bullshit.
• Your “interests,” again, should mention something about volunteering, or something that makes it seem like you read a lot of books.
• And speaking of which… for “favorite movies, TVs, and books,” you had better only list books.  Don’t make the same mistake I did and indicate you enjoy “average people” entertainment.
• Your “personal philosophy” should be about doing what you love and not bowing down to the man.  CouchSurfers hate corporations; this is an absolutely proven fact.
• “People I enjoy” should just be “indigenous people and native Africans.”  Put your finger on an impoverished nation on a map and you’ve got the people you enjoy.  I credit this technique with landing me five or six couches alone.

Try it out!

That’s it for part 1.

In part 2, we’ll help you construct the perfect messages to send out to prospective hosts.

But in the meantime, get to work improving your profile, and good luck.

(Note: This is clearly a joke article.  However, I updated my CouchSurfing profile to match the advice I give here, again as a joke.  Literally one hour later I had a message from a local person in Medellin, Colombia asking if I’d like to meet up.  This is the first unsolicited private message I’ve received in six months of CouchSurfing.  I am not kidding.)

I get hot and bothered when I find travel blogs that are written months or even years before any kind of travel takes place, like it’s a “preliminary plan” blog. This is especially true for the “I’m going to quit my job and travel the world for a long time” variety.

I’m bothered by these kinds of blogs because I already know that this person is likely never going to go on their trip, or actually do what they want to do.

Just Do What You Want To Do, Don’t Tell Everyone About It

If you want to do something cool or significant with your life, here’s the trick: just fucking do it.

If you start telling everyone about your plans months or years ahead of time, you’re just pandering for attention. “Look at me, I’m going to do something cool with my life… when the right time comes.”

People who make plans far, far in advance typically never find the “right time.” They never actually have enough money, or they never have the free time, or they never get rid of their annoying, time-consuming children. The excuses pile up fast.

But the interesting thing is that if you don’t wait for a right time, but rather just do what you want to do, somehow everything works out just fine, every single time.  The money, the responsibilities, the pregnant girlfriend… somehow they all end up not mattering.  (Solution: take the pregnant girlfriend with you!)

So if you want to do something interesting with your life — like quit your job and travel the world — just do it now. Force yourself to get started. And don’t waste my time by putting up a blog about something you may do two years from now.  It’s really annoying.

The giant red "X" suggests this is not smart.

Everything I own fits in one 35 liter backpack that I lug with me around the world.

One reason everything fits is simply because I don’t own a lot of stuff. But that’s not all there is to it; the real reason I can cram everything in my backpack is because I figured out the best method of folding and packing my clothes.

Folding Clothes To Minimize Space

Travel nerds all over the web are having a heated debate over the subject of how to fold clothes to minimize space in a bag.

The Methods That Fail

Bundle Wrapping
One popular folding method in the travel community is the Bundle Wrapping method. This one is popular simply because it seems exotic. In reality, it’s retarded, and I doubt many people use it successfully. That doesn’t stop them from blogging about it, though.

The problem with the Bundle Wrapping method: the entire idea is that you wrap items of clothing within eachother. This supposedly saves space. On paper, this seems great. In reality, you end up with a giant bundled ball of clothes that’s impossible to fit in any standard-sized bag.

Rolling
God I wish everyone would stop fellating the rolling method. It’s awful, awful, awful. It takes up unnecessary amounts of space, saves nothing, and wrinkles your clothes like no other. Essentially you just roll your clothes up into little cylinders and hope for the best.

The problem with the rolling method: for one, your clothes end up taking up too much space vertically. The rolling method also leaves small, unused pockets of space between your clothes on either end, since your rolled clothes are naturally thicker in the middle.

The Method That Works

After failing with the other popular packing methods, I found one that worked, still works after seven months of traveling, and will continue to work into the future.

It’s not special at all, but I’m going to give it a special name anyway. It’s the Rational Packing Method.

How The Rational Packing Method Works

Along with your clothes, you’re going to need rubber bands and (optional but very handy) ziplock bags.

• For jeans, pants, and other thicker items: fold them completely normally as tight as you can. Wrap a thick rubber band around them to keep them from unfolding. Put them at the bottom of your bag.
• For underwear, socks, and thinner items: fold them as tightly as possible, putting a double-wrapped rubber band around each one, and put them in the small available creases to the sides of your pants in your bag. Put any extras wrapped together into a ziplocked bag.
• For shirts: fold them normally, folding them over into as tight a square as you can. Put a double-wrapped rubber band around each one. Pack the shirts together into a large ziplock bag, which will keep them fresh and help keep them from sliding around in your bag, taking up more space.
• All other items (scarves, jackets, etc): wrap them completely normally, as tight as you can with rubber bands around them. Fit them in on top of the other items in your bag.

Step 1. HOW WILL THAT GIANT SHIRT EVER FIT IN MY BAG?

Step 2. Keep folding the shirt into smaller and smaller squares, completely normally.

Step 3. Once you can't fold the shirt over anymore, wrap it tightly with a rubber band.

Step 4. Take a picture with your folded shirt and write a blog post about it.

Essentially, you’re just folding your clothes into tight squares (with the exception of pants, which go somewhat flat at the bottom of your bag) and keeping those squares tight with rubber bands and ziplock bags.  When you pack everything into your bag, it’ll all fit together like one giant, satisfying puzzle, and not into a bunch of nasty clumps like with the other popular methods.

This method is very space-efficient and makes packing light very simple.  I have no problems fitting a full wardrobe of clothes inside a 35 liter (school-sized) backpack.  A nice bonus is that, surprisingly, your clothes won’t wrinkle.

The biggest draw-back, though, is that you won’t be able to blog about how great the Bundle Wrapping method is, and how you’re a revolutionary backpack packer because you pack your bag like a futuristic spaceman.  Sorry.

A shower directly above a toilet in an Argentina apartment. Poop and shower at the same time. Genius.

While traveling I prefer to stay in apartments or houses. I’ve stayed in a lot of hostels, don’t get me wrong, but they’re all pretty awful and stinky.

If you’re staying somewhere for a few weeks or months, it’ll be cheaper and more comfortable to stay in an apartment than a hostel.

So, here are some very quicks tips to find an apartment while traveling in South America.

Finding Apartments in South America

If you speak some Spanish, you’ll be a lot better off finding an apartment in South American countries. All listings online and in English are for gringos only, and are way too expensive. If you don’t speak Spanish, find someone in a hostel who does and is willing to help you out.

Look in the local newspaper’s classified ads for apartments. Prices will be significantly lower there. You’ll want apartments listed as “amoblado,” or furnished.

If you’re interested in renting an empty room in someone else’s apartment, an amazing website is CompartoDepto.com. Select the country you want to search and you’ll find a ton of great, cheap listings.

That really is about all you need to know. Post any comments here if you have any other tips or tricks.

Completely naturally and casually posing on a plane.

I’ve been traveling through Central and South America for about the past seven months now. Being a bum living off only his savings hasn’t been hard because, over the past seven months, I’ve spent less than I would have while living in an apartment in Los Angeles. A lot less, in fact.

I don’t enjoy living in hostels, so I don’t. My only real time spent in hostels has been during a month and a half trekking through Argentina. Other than that, I’ve lived in apartments or homes in every country I’ve been to.

I also hate buses. I shuttle between each country by plane. I also only fly one-way, which is generally more expensive than a round-trip ticket.

I’m addicted to flesh, so I eat primarily steaks, eggs, and vegetables. This is a lot more expensive than the traditional South American backpacker cuisine of rice and vomit.

I’m also a gym rat, so I always have a gym membership wherever I am.

What I’m trying to get at is that I don’t live like a bum. In fact, I would say that I live better here than I did while in Los Angeles.

How To Get Cheap Airfare: Flying To South America from the USA

There are a few discount airlines that fly from the USA to certain countries in South America.

The cheapest is Spirit Airlines, but their flight schedule is sporadic. If you’re having trouble finding flights, I recommend signing up to their mailing list, where they send out weekly e-mails with flight deals that only “members” get to choose from.

JetBlue also has a number of South America locations. JetBlue is one of the best of the “economic” airlines in the USA.

Most of the other “standard” USA airlines are fairly expensive to get to South America unless you find a special deal. Priceline.com, where you name your own price for a flight, can be very effective to get one of these deals, although I haven’t played with it yet.

If you are currently a student, a student just about to graduate, or a just-barely-recently-graduated student, then also consider checking out websites that provide student airfare. They can be completely dirt cheap, but not always. StudentUniverse.com is my favorite, and STATravel.com is popular as well.

Tips and tricks for cheap airfare

On each airline’s web site, check the prices of all neighboring airports.

For example, I recently booked a flight from Bogota, Colombia to the east coast of the USA. It turned out that, on the same airline (JetBlue), a flight to Newark, NJ was about $100 cheaper than a flight to JFK International Airport in New York. The two airlines are separated by about two hours by car.

Often smaller neighboring airports have cheaper fares, even on the same airline, simply due to competition from other airlines.

Also, to get to South America, most flights leave from Ft. Lauderdale or Miama, FL. Check flights from these locations first, and then use a site like Kayak.com to find cheap airfare to Florida from your state.

How To Get Cheap Airfare: Flying Within South America

This is where airfare gets a little trickier. Discount airlines don’t really exist in South America, especially for inter-country travel.

Also, many airlines that fly within countries charge extra if you’re not from that country. This is especially true in Argentina, where Argentinian-only airlines charge sometimes double the rate or more for citizens of other countries.

The lowest fares between countries generally comes from LAN.com. The only way I ever found cheaper fares was by using specialty websites like StudentUniverse.com.

Again, check all airlines in an area to see who has the cheapest fares. Also don’t be afraid to check prices for flights over the course of a week, since often prices can drop. My flight from Medellin, Colombia to Buenos Aires on LAN mysteriously dropped $300 in price over the course of a week.

(As a quick side note, in my experience, LAN.com is also the cheapest for airfare flying to different locations in Argentina.)

The most comprehensive list of discount South American airlines I’ve found is here: Discount South American Airlines. For example, it’s through this web site that I found the airline Aires, which cost $99 + tax to fly from Panama to Colombia.

For travel within a country, I often resort to buses. I don’t like them, but it’s generally cheap and often possible to find an overnight bus you can sleep on. You can generally just show up at any bus station and buy a ticket immediately before a bus leaves.

Anything Else?

Please leave any comments or tips in the comments below and I’ll try to keep this article up-to-date.

I doubt she wore all this to the club that night. (Photo: Al_HikesAZ)

I’m going to get real on you today with one simple question.

When you aren’t traveling — when you’re at home — what do you wear?

Do you wear ridiculously pocketed cargo pants?  Do you lug a small backpack with you everywhere you go?  Are you always sporting tight-fitting, futuristic rugged all-weather shirts?  How about exclusively wearing heavy-duty hiking boots layered with ankle-high thick Smart Wool socks?

No?

Then don’t wear it when you travel abroad.

You Make Me Embarrassed To Be A Gringo

In the more “outdoorsy” countries, I’ve found that gringos make their presence very clear through their outfits.

Their hideous cargo pants.  Their unnecessary backpacks EVERYWHERE they go.  Their embarrassing and oversized REI “Sunday Afternoons Adventure” hats.  (Yes, that’s a real product name.)

Yeah, I know, REI’s got some awesome stuff.  It all seems so functional.

But you know what?  That shirt you bought from American Apparel is functional, too.  Your jeans from Urban Outfitters aren’t just useful here — they’re fashionable.

No one in Latin America rushes around in cargo shorts and micro-fiber all-seasons zip-up thermals.  In fact, no one in the United States wears those things.  I’ll go even further and say YOU don’t wear those things.

Come to think of it, no one but over-anxious travelers embarrass themselves in these clothes.

Owning pants with only three or so pockets never stopped you from going outside and exploring your home town, did it?

Try To Look Like The Locals

I have a surprise for you.  It’ll probably even save you money.

All those nice clothes that you wear back home?

Yep, they wear those in pretty much all other countries, too.

Put your wallet away, you big outdoorsman.  Open up your travel bag.  Throw in those clothes you wear every day anyway.

Good.  You’re now packed appropriately for traveling abroad.

A Concession

There are some times when ridiculously hideous “outdoor” clothes are necessary.

This is, of course, when you are actually spending time outdoors.

Are you going to be camping outside in irregular temperatures?  Are you going to be living in the wilderness for a while?  Are you primarily going to be hunting through rainforests and the wild unknown?

Then by all means, dress like a retard.  You’ll suffer otherwise.

But if you’re going to be hanging out in town with the occasional hike here or there just like 99% of all other travelers, then you don’t need to dress like you’re on a permanent safari.

You Can Be Functional, But You Don’t Have To Be A Bad Stereotype

All I’m getting at is that you look like an ass when you travel the world in clothes you would never wear regularly back home.  (And I guarantee you’re getting ripped off everywhere you go because you scream “clueless tourist.”)

I am all for finding functional clothes that look good.  I am all about minimizing your wardrobe to only the essentials you love.  I prefer to pack as light as I possibly can.

But my rule is: if you’re not going to wear it every day back home, don’t wear it abroad.  And my second rule is I hate you if you don’t follow my rules.

"Would someone please get the Mexican out of the picture?" (Photo: Lifecruiser)

Dear White People,

Horses exist in your own country.

People in Latin America drive cars.

In closing, you are not “living like the locals” by coming here and riding horses in public streets.

There are plenty of horses to ride in the USA.

And you’re embarrassing me.

Passionate kisses,

Clay

PS: if you wouldn’t wear a retarded cowboy hat at home, please don’t purchase one and wear it here.

Che Guevara Museum: Overrated.

In all my travels, I think I was most excited right before heading to Argentina.

I don’t think I’ve met any travelers that didn’t talk up Argentina to me like it was their inspiration for living. God people love to proverbially jerk off that country.

And while I enjoyed most of my time in Argentina, I thought it was way overrated. The following are some of my reasons…

1. Argentinian women. You can’t be a backpacker without hearing other dirty backpackers talk about the beauty of Argentinian women. Yes, there are a lot of beautiful women here, but they literally do not show their faces until about 3:00AM. You won’t see many of them in daytime. Which brings me to…
2. Argentinian nightlife. The night doesn’t start until about 1:30 or 2:00 in the morning, and usually ends, at the earliest, around 7:00AM. My body literally would not let me stay up late enough to take advantage of this.
3. Lack of fiber. I will admit that the beef in Argentina is, by far, the greatest in the world. It’s cheap, plentiful, and absolutely delicious. I ate a lot of beef in Argentina. However, while Argentinians have mastered the art of rearing and slaughtering cattle, they have not mastered the art of producing any form of fiber to complement their high-protein dishes. When I landed in Ecuador directly after Argentina, I pooped almost literally for two weeks straight.
4. A lot of arrogant people. I met a lot of really cool Argentinian people, so this isn’t a general blanket statement, but there is a disproportionate number of really, really arrogant people in that country. And I don’t have any kind of idea what they’re arrogant about. (If it’s their beef, then I understand.)
5. An unexplained passion for The Simpsons. OK, so this isn’t a reason that Argentina is overrated, but it’s interesting. Argentina remains the only country I’ve visited where the cool kids can pull off wearing Homer Simpson shirts every single day and still be the cool kids. I haven’t experienced this phenomenom since roughly the 6th grade.
6. Tango. What is this shit?
7. A lot of identical big cities. Go to just about any big city in Argentina and you’ll be greeted with the exact same big city you just left. The entire country is very Westernized, and as such, ends up like just about any other Westernized nation. Although this isn’t always a bad thing, it is usually a very boring thing.

With all this aside, I’d like to go back to Argentina someday, but when I have a lot of money. Like any Westernized country, it seems like it would be a lot more fun if I could afford all the extravagances, like prostitutes and helicopter rides.