I’m talking about my tennis ball.

In case you forgot what a tennis ball is. Fucking idiot.

I shouldn’t have called it my tennis ball.  I don’t have an emotional attachment to any one tennis ball.  I like almost all of them equally.

That’s because, as long as it hasn’t been molested by an attention-deprived dog or left out to bake and decompose in the sun for months, any tennis ball is the ultimate self-massage tool.

How To Use A Tennis Ball For Self Massage

I have two horrible, chronically-tight spots on my body: in the muscles near my shoulder blades, and my virgin pink asshole.  Just kidding, let me start that sentence over again.

I have two horrible, chronically-tight spots on my body: in the muscles near my shoulder blades, and in my hip muscles.  On any given day my entire upper back region feels like it’s a bunched up, tight mess, and my hip muscles especially bother me when I’m sitting in a relatively cramped spot, like the muscles connecting my legs and my back are about to snap.  This is because I’m always developing knots in these muscles.

It wasn’t until I started applying pressure to these spots with a tennis ball that I had any kind of relief.  I just place the tennis ball on a wall at the level of the affected muscle, and then rubbed away with as much pressure as I could stand.

A couple good resources for self-massage with a tennis ball:

Soft Tissue Work For Tough Guys – great explanations for why soft tissue work with a tennis ball is so important.  This article recommends massaging yourself laying down, but I find it more effective standing up against a wall.

Just fucking massaging yourself with a tennis ball – they’re super cheap. Buy one and just try it out.  That link doesn’t go anywhere, by the way.

I Would Be A Whiny Mess If I Left Home Without It

No matter where I’m traveling, a tennis ball always comes with me.  If I lose it, I drop a dollar on a new one.  Along with my pirated DVDs of the High School Musical series, it ranks as probably the most important thing I carry around with me at all times.

Would be a lot less blurry if walking. (Photo: Mingfong)

I like being in good shape.  I like being healthy.  I like having muscle.

These are some of the reasons that I don’t ever go running.

Many people seem to have the notion that running is the only way to lose weight.  This idea has been pounded into us by just about every irreputable, overweight source possible.  (I’m trustworthy and reputable, I promise you.)

The truth is, running does help you lose weight — both fat and muscle.  It’s for this reason that a lot of runners drop pounds, but always have the same body shape, albeit maybe a little bit smaller.

I also am a believer in the idea that humans, evolutionarily speaking, just aren’t designed to run.  We were designed to walk long distances and perform short sprints, which just about anyone can pull off without any kind of training.  When we migrated somewhere, we did it by walking, not by lightly jogging.  When there was danger, we made a quick sprint to safety, we didn’t slowly jog away.

So if we weren’t designed to run and it’s a bad idea for fat loss, what’s the best method to drop weight?

Simple: up-hill walking.

My Experience

About four years ago, I needed to lose some weight.  I went on a 4 mile run every morning for about two months or so.  I dreaded every run, but I did them anyway.  By the end of the experience, I had dropped a lot of fat.

However, in the gym, my strength dropped incrementally.  The running had ended up eating a good chunk of muscle along with my fat.

About two years later, I had roughly the same amount of weight to lose.  By this point, I had discovered the magic of walking.  Instead of a 4 mile run every morning, I simply went outside and did about 20 to 30 minutes of walking up hills, or hopped onto a treadmill and walked for about 20 minutes at an 8 to 10 percent incline.

The end result: I dropped the fat I wanted, and kept all my strength in the gym, too.  My muscle didn’t go anywhere.

How To Walk To Lose Weight

I don’t in any way suggest you go for light, slow walks, expecting to lose a lot of weight.  You still have to work hard.  You’ll just be working a lot smarter than the runners that struggle past you.

The end goal is that, after your time walking, you’ll be sweating pretty heavily and be panting, but won’t be struggling for breath like a runner.

If walking outside:

• Choose a spot that provides consistent uphills.
• While walking, keep your back straight, almost like you’re stretching your abs.
• Pump your arms like a power walker so that you’re not tempted to slow down.  You’re not running or jogging, but you’re still moving at a much faster pace than normal folk walking on the sidewalk.
• The walk lasts around 30 minutes or so generally, sometimes more.

If on a treadmill:

• I generally choose a speed around 3.0 to 3.4 MPH to walk at.  You will likely be around the same speed or a bit slower.
• I start around 4 percent incline and work my way up to between 8 and 10 percent within the first four minutes, depending on how my body feels.
• The walk lasts about 20 to 30 minutes if done without a weight workout.

You can really go walking any time of the day.  Sometimes I’ll walk first thing in the morning on an empty stomach; other times I’ll go for a long walk in the middle of the day.  It all depends on how you feel and what you’re comfortable with.

Walking Is Awesome

I see this as a case study of the 80/20 rule: by walking for less time, I’m doing less work and getting more results than I would if I were running.

If you enjoy running, keep doing it.  There are a lot of people who get a mental release from running.

If dropping weight and looking better is your primary goal, like it is for me, then walking is a better choice.

If you just want to drop weight and look better but you’re too afraid to admit that to yourself so you disguise your efforts under the guise of “training for a marathon” or something lame like that, then stop lying to yourself.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look better.